I know. & I’m sorry that it had to be that way. But the story that I keep getting back, like hearing from other people, is way different then the true story. I’m glad he’s getting all this sympathy, though. He seems to be soaking it all up. In the end, I just wish the best for him. He was my first love & my best friend. I’m not such a terrible person, obviously or he wouldn’t have been with me for that long.
so yesterday i was at counseling, the counseling that the judge ordered me to do. the girls in there are really messed up. they’ve lived hard lives. half of them are pregnant with their second child at 17, and some of them aren’t even 17… more like 13. they’re not bad people, they’re not stupid, or “sick”, or harmful. they’ve made a mistake… we all fuckin’ do. it only takes one time; one mistake, & a call to the police… and you’re gone. you’re taken to juvie, you spend the night there. you get out and your life is changed forever, you’re looked at as a bad person. but you’re not. you made a mistake. those girls in my counseling group aren’t bad people. they’re people, with problems, who made a mistake and got punished in one of the most extreme ways possible. people who are reading this probably don’t understand, they probably think i’m exaggerating, overreacting, etc. no. people do bad things all the time and get away with it, some of us just aren’t as lucky.
i used to think i had a horrible life. my life isn’t perfect, my life is actually very complicated and depressing most of the time, but it’s not as bad as it could be. there’s girls in my group that are strangled & beaten daily, there are girls that are left without food for days because their mom doesn’t want to provide for them, half of them have babies to take care of on a min. wage salary, some of them go day to day without electricity and water. if they want to go places, they walk or take the bus… they don’t have mommys & daddys to drive them. they don’t have the money for a car. this one girl wears the same outfit every day. no lie. my life isn’t good, at all. very disfunctional, actually. but it’s not that bad. and many of you have it better then me, and even more of you have it better then them.
i was sitting there yesterday thinking about why i got placed in the situation i was in, why i couldn’t control myself for the few seconds it took to make the choice to do what got me arrested, and then i thought… i always thought my life was horrible. i thought that having my parents was like a punishment… i wouldn’t say i really felt sorry for myself, but i definitely wasn’t rejecting sympathy when people would say they felt sorry for me. i think i was put in the situation i was put in because i had to learn a lesson that i would never have, and was too stubborn to learn before. my life wasn’t so bad. my life isn’t so bad. it could be a lot worse.
people need to be thankful for what they have & stop feeling sorry for themselves.